Let's talk about Detachment.

Learning about detachment was one of the most important things for me in my own recovery, during my husband’s recovery.

At first I thought detachment was something cold and mean, like I would detach from my feelings altogether, however, learning more this is not the case at all.

Detachment is a loving separation of the outcome of certain things. Detachment is lovingly letting go of the outcome of things you cannot control. Detachment is lovingly taking yourself out of the equation unless you absolutely need to be involved, or when your journey is part of someone else’s experience. It is allowing others to take control of their own lives on their own.

Kind of like allowing natural consequences to happen and removing y

ourself from the situation entirely.

Detachment is by all means a path to freedom. Detachment is love – both for yourself and others.

It takes a lot of practice, but when we do, we can actually live simpler lives, not trying to control everyone around us. And it means not letting the behavior of anyone else cause suffering to ourselves.

My best example of this is loving an addict – once I truly learning how to allow him to be on his own journey, and make his own decisions and stop trying to control every little thing, was when I truly felt free. Once I realized that I couldn’t control him anyway and when I tried it would make my whole world turn upside down and I would completely forget about myself. Once I realized I did not have to stay attached to his decisions or the outcomes of his choices, I was free.

Detachment is a process of letting go, and it is far from a cold practice. It is so loving to learn to let go – to learn how to allow others to make their own lives. And if they choose to take you with them in those lives, great! If not, you can move forward knowing you are making decisions based solely on what you want and need and what is most important to you.

Detachment frees you up to do what you need for you

rself, without having to worry so much about others, unless they directly impact your life.

It takes a lot of practice, over and over until you get better and better at practicing. It is not getting involved in things that do not directly involve you. It is taking a step back when you want to control someone else’s situation. It is allowing space when space is needed in making decisions – if someone needs input in their decisions you can give it clearly with no attachment to the outcome. How freeing is that? Giving advice perfectly clearly without attachment to what happens next? So freeing.

You can even learn how to detach from your own outcomes. To do your absolute best in any situation without any attachment to the outcome and making things happen regardless of what the end result is – it opens up a whole new level of possibilities to do things that make you happy and to live a free life. Just doing what feels good and is right without regard to how it will all end. Beautiful.

It also means no longer having to tiptoe aroun

d what anyone else is doing or feeling. If someone is in a crappy mood or dealing with issues, you no longer have to tiptoe around that. You can offer them love without attaching yourself to their mood or issue. You can continue on with your day and focusing on your life, and allow them space to do the same for theirs. You do not have to walk on egg shells

, because your behavior has nothing to do with theirs and theirs yours. Again, it is so freeing. You live your life only. Allow them to deal with their own. It may seem apathetic at first, but it is far from it.

Learn how to detach and peacefully live your own life for you. I promise you, it will be worth every minute of practice. You can have such peace, and again, it will take a long time and continuous practice, and it isn’t easy. However, you can make it happen if you really want to make it happen.

And if you need help, please

pick up a copy of Embracing Detachment by Karen Casey – it is so helpful.